WHere my work really began (in the 90’s)

Where My Work Really Began

Sometimes it's easier for me to talk through my thoughts on video than to sit down and type them out. I'm working on that. But I recorded something recently about where all of this actually started for me, and I wanted to write it down too, because I think it matters.

It started in 1993.

I was a teenager in the 90s dealing with something that wasn't fully understood or talked about at the time. There was some acknowledgment of depression, sure, but the other thing going on with me, the panic, was probably just annoying to hospital staff. Probably annoying to my family too, if I'm honest.

I felt like I was dying sometimes. Gulping for real breaths in between waves of panic. I'd go to the ER and have them check my oxygen levels, my heart rate, my blood pressure. Sometimes they'd put me in the waiting room, and just sitting there was enough to bring me back down. Was that the best use of ER time? Probably not. But that was where I was at.

One time, at a hospital in the Chicago south suburbs where I was born and raised, I could tell they were tired of seeing me. But someone there asked if I'd be willing to try something experimental for what I was dealing with, anxiety that felt completely out of control. Desperate, I said yes.

That's where it starts.

They sat me in a room, gave me a blanket, turned down the lights, and put on some quiet music. And then she began.

"Let's take a few moments to settle into the chair. Noticing the blanket that covers you. The lighting in the room..."

I don't remember how much time passed. But I remember walking out of that room feeling more relaxed, more grounded, more like myself, than I had in a long time. She'd recorded the whole session onto a cassette tape and sent me home with it, so I'd have it whenever the panic started creeping back in.

It wasn't fancy. It wasn't in some beautiful, curated space. But it worked. It was, honestly, life saving.

Did it cure me of everything I was carrying at the time? No. But it gave me tools. Real ones, that I could actually use. And that changed the trajectory of things for me.

I share this because I think we're all on some kind of journey. Rarely is there one single thing that fixes us completely. But the tools we pick up along the way, the ones that actually work for our own bodies and nervous systems, those can change everything.

That cassette tape was my introduction to guided meditation and breathwork. It's part of why I do the work I do now. Every time we're in a room together, I want you to know that I see you, and I hear you.

If any part of this resonates, or if you have your own story about the moment something first helped, I'd love to hear it.

With much love and gratitude, Anna